Where does FoodSCRIPTion fit in this journey?
The site exists as a place for us, that is you’re ready to join me, to take the steps necessary in developing or re-establishing our own normal food relationship, body confidence, self-esteem and healing.
It’s a place which is ‘totally judgment free and we start where we are, with what ever we have and are dealing with’.
You know your body best and are best responsible for it’s care, yet no woman or man is an island.
If we want a harmonious, healing and loving relationship with food and our body, we can build it, learning and working together, while we grow stronger, individually.
Buddha says, “Health is the greatest gift …”
FoodScription is our safe space to:
- fall and get back up again,
- learn from each other,
- support each other, and
- bring back or create for the first time, a harmonious, healing and loving relationship with our food, our body and our health.
Want to know more about what brought me here? Well read on.
IF loving food and eating food equals a healthy relationship with food, then food and I are ace boon coon, BFF’s going on 43 years.
My favorite foods were always available to me – meats, veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, sweets.
I ate when I was hungry. I ate slowly. I savored. I didn’t eat when I wasn’t hungry. I spent a few stubborn hours at the dining table as a child because of that one.
Growing up though, I didn’t really think much about my relationship to food.
I simply enjoyed food.
I was always grateful for having it from one of my grandparents gardens, the grocers or the local farmers who provided it for us.
Fast food was a treat, usually once or twice a month. Homemade cookies, pies and cakes were eaten way more frequently than fast food.
I ate candy but was more apt to go outside and pick a plum, some blackberries, wild strawberries or suck the single dew drop out of honeysuckle.
If the ice cream truck came rolling through, I’d have an Orange Push Up®.
But more likely I’d be licking on homemade Kool-Aid® pops, fruit punch or wild cherry, thank you.
So where did the relationship between food and me go wrong?
It wasn’t one single event.
There were at least 4 different events that built on each other.
My stubborn nature took over at various points in my life and while I still HAD access to the same food resources, I chose not to use them.
Instead, I started eating all kinds of junk and stopped listening to my eating instincts.
My young and naive thinking was – being fat mean I’m unhealthy. According to that logic, since I wasn’t yet fat, I had to still be healthy.
It also meant that in my mind, what I was consuming must not be that bad for me.
It was during a truly rough patch that I made a deeply unconscious connection that food could help me stuff away the feelings I didn’t want to feel. This led me even further away from my healthy eating instincts.
Of course, I was denying that anything was wrong.
I rinsed and repeated the 4 step chain:
- Turn away from what I know
- Be stubborn about staying away
- Put on the veil of denial
- Repeat the insanity again
As I type this, I admit to myself that I’ve been repeating this chain so long that I don’t even know what my hunger cues feel like.
I’m more likely to eat something processed and sugar laden and call it dinner than I am to eat a home-cooked, remotely healthy meal.
I’ve got a few other health challenges as well. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (SLE) in 2002.
What I didn’t want to admit then but do now, is that those actions and beliefs from my naive youth, led to right here, right now – a 200+ pound, unhealthy woman, with body confidence and self-esteem issues.
My weight has continued to increase as has my blood pressure. The BMI index says I’m obese. I’ve lost my flexibility.
I want to like how I feel in my skin again.
I am getting back on the path to freedom, enjoyment and gratitude with food I used to share.
In 2005, a friend told me he loved to watch me eat.
He said, “You always have such joy and elation on your face just looking at the food in front of you. And such a sense of peace as you eat it.”
Little did he know then how far away from the truth he was. Yet what his noticing tells me is that some part of me still knows exactly where that path is.
I’m willing to work on my awareness, to practice, be patient, show compassion and love. Hell I’m willing to fail and get back up for the long term.
I know I can do it. I know it’s worth it. Diets aren’t going to work for the kind of relationship I want with food and definitely not for the kind of relationship I want with my body.
I know we (food and I) are capable of returning to something even better than what we had.
I know the journey isn’t going to be easy.
What I also know about journey’s is that every worthwhile journey begins with a first step.